BANKRUPTCY

 You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,
      but you will restore me to life again
      and lift me up from the depths of the earth

PSALMS 71:20

 

As life flows through various terrains, we find ourselves seeking answers to situations and moments that at times feel as if they will cause us to collapse. Today I would like to share with each of you one period in my life that seemed as if devastation was the norm.  Years ago I sat in a room that I was renting from two very wonderful ladies. These women are two of the reasons why I can sit here today and write this story to you. Leading up to this period in my life, if I were an artist I would have used numerous colors and brush strokes to describe my life. The picture would have depicted a life  of a man who was continually seeking God. As the ultimate insider and knowing my thoughts first hand I would have to say that it would have been a true depiction.  I did seek to have a relationship with Jesus. However in this relationship it was revealed I was seeking God as well as seeking the things of the world.  During that double minded point in my life, all elements around me would not falter at once. So, within my thinking process I began to feel that my life was on the track God wanted. Often God would give me a sign or word that things were not as right as I believed, and I would pause for a moment, ( and repeat a moment), then continue on to whatever I felt was important.  God continued to speak to me, becoming a little louder,  more things around me would seems to become more negative. Now my pause was becoming longer, but not long enough to hear or see all God was showing me.

 

Finally, God got my full attention by bringing me to complete stop and saying I have attempted to deal gently with you, but gentle does not work with you.  I lost all things around me, all of my success, many friendships, family members, as well as financial things.  One thing I did not loose was my daughter. She became so close to me and to this day we have a very strong father and daughter relationship. For what seemed to be an eternity I was alone in my life, but not really. God was there showing how I needed to seek him and only him since he is the provider of all things. By all worldly standards I was bankrupt. I felt as if the “standards compass” of life pointed to a terrible person who has failed.  To be honest there were days that I felt the same way. I have never been one to be a lonely person, but I have to confess this time in my life I felt all alone.  These feeling can cause you sink into a dark and deep place.   

 

Earlier I mentioned the room I rented from these two beautiful women, God loving women which was such a blessing. During my time of darkness and lonliness these joyous women had to been God sent. The room and the house was full of light, not natural light but God’s light.  Feeling bankrupt, feeling like I failed God, not knowing how to recover, I spent my days praying; and I do means my days. I learned how to be in continuous prayer seeking God. I began to understand the importance of going to God before acting even in events we would call inconsequential.  I began to see the light these two women saw. The desire to be double minded was no longer there. It was replaced with  the desire to be in the will of God, and the desire to wait on the lord. I comprehended the thoughts of being prepared to stand before God and answer the difficult questions.

 

Today, I am restored and attempting daily to listen, pray and follow God.  This is not always easy, but I do not want to be bankrupt ever again.  More importantly my love for Jesus and my actions showing my love for Jesus are more important than anything that comes to me. Anyone who needs to be restored please go to God today and his path is the key to life. To all of you love and may you experience the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.

 

Grace and Peace to you,

Rod